Yes, it’s that magical time of year, when it seems that everybody faces the exact same conundrum: Do I order all my gift online, or do I actually face the zombie-like hordes swarming the local mall?
We’re kidding: Of course you’ll rely on e-commerce to secure most of your presents. There are only so many years you can fight your way through the crowd, liberally throwing elbows into competing shoppers’ ribs, in order to snatch up that last copy of Star Wars Battlefront.
While you’re perusing online for that special tech pro in your life, you might want to consider the following gifts, all of which are supremely geeky (or just hilarious); if none of these suit, you might also check out Part 1 of our holiday shopping list. So without further adieu:
Survival Grenade ($74.99)
People who live in earthquake zones aren’t the only ones who need to carry essential survival gear. The Z.A.P.S. Survival Grenade is the ultimate compact wilderness survival kit, even if you never intend to enter a wilderness, ever.
Hang it from your backpack or bag. Wear it on your belt. Bored during the team meeting? Unravel this baby and rappel across the room. Your stunt will be the talk of the office, even after you’re gone, which will be almost immediately.
Longboard Stroller ($670.00)
Who wants to carry their baby around in a boring, conventional manner? As a solution, we suggest a longboard stroller, which will surely appeal to the denizens of hipster enclaves everywhere—and it will take up a lesser amount of sidewalk than a double- or triple-wide stroller.
Squirrel Chair ($32.30)
Every holiday season, you face the same conundrum. You’re embarrassed to have the squirrels over because there’s nowhere for them to sit. Which means the party is never really fun, because the squirrels are left outside, sad. Now those days are gone: put out the cheese plate and bring your rodent friends inside where they belong!
Cat Computer ($35.00)
The cat climbs on the keyboard while you’re working because it’s hoping you’ll be distracted and do something stupid, like pour water on an outlet and electrocute yourself; if you’re permanently out of the way, the cat gets the computer for itself. If you want to avoid an early cat-induced death, we suggest purchasing this scratchable computer. It will distract kitty for at least the length of one of its nine lives.
Emergency Inflatable Brain ($6.95)
Spent too long coding? Burned out on strategic planning, and need a little more brainpower to figure out the full feature-set of your next app? Blow up this brain! It might not increase your I.Q. or help you think through your latest conundrum, but it’ll serve as a helpful reminder to use your gray matter to its fullest.
8 Tiny Planets Made from Rubber ($12.00)
It’s amazing that we live during an era when a few dollars can purchase domination of a chunk of the known universe. This not-really-to-scale model of the eight large planets orbiting the sun is the perfect size for practicing your super-villain skillset. They’re also pretty useful for erasing mistakes you make when you’re diagramming your takedown of the Avengers.
Hand Fireball Shooter ($147.00)
Who doesn’t want to shoot fireballs from their hands, like a real-life superhero? We mean, aside from someone who doesn’t want the police to pay them a visit?