Career Advice from Zombies

I’ve had zombies on the brain lately, and I’m not sure why. No one’s been chasing me through the woods, and though I have a propensity to whine when I have to haul stuff around the yard, none of my limbs are falling off. I guess it’s because every time I turn around, I see something about zombie movies, or zombie TV shows, or zombie books. I can’t help but look out the back window and think I’m seeing zombie blue jays and zombie squirrels.

Zombies don’t have much of a career path to follow, which is too bad. Much of their approach to things would serve them well in a job search — at least to the point of scoring them an interview. Consider:

  • They’re hungry: Zombies know from the get-go what they want, and they’re determined to get it. They don’t wander down the street wistfully remembering how they used to hang out at the coffee shop they’re passing on the way to your house. As soon as they’ve dusted themselves off, they’re looking for protein.
  • They’re focused: When zombies want something, they pursue it with single-minded purpose. If one sees you in a group of fresh meat and decides you’re lunch, then it’s going to shuffle in your direction. Your friends can make all the noise they want as they scatter and it won’t matter. Zombies set themselves a goal, and then go after it.
  • They’re flexible: Zombies may seem mindless, but they’ve enough gray matter left to know when a window’s a better bet than a door, or the cellar’s a more likely place to find you than an attic.
  • They’re tenacious: Nothing gets in a zombie’s way short of heavy armaments. A tree falls in front of its path? It steps around it. Shutters nailed shut? It pulls them apart. Other zombies? Sorry, fellas, someone’s going to eat this brain and it may as well be me.

Zombies don’t have a lot of fun, but then neither do people who are looking for work. And though job searches often feel like they’ll never end, for most of us they will. But these points are all true: To succeed, you have to know the kind of job you want, be focused on pursuing it, be flexible in your approach, and not let yourself get down. Even when you get frustrated, you simply can’t stop.

Stopping is how zombies ended up being zombies in the first place.

Image: FEARnet

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6 Responses to “Career Advice from Zombies”

  1. Great article!

    Zombies offer more than just career advice, they lead by example. They show us how to set goals and how to achieve those goals with a focused tenacity that all living persons should aspire to emulate.

  2. Chris Fleetwood

    While zombies do in fact have good job hunting skills, I prefer the vampire job search method. Just hypnotize Old, Rich people into thinking you’re their long lost something or other and wait for them to croak. 😀